Tuesday, March 24, 2009

CG'pa And The Computer

We've already established that my CG'pa is crazy. If you don't believe me, read this. I had one of those conversations with him the other day. It went something like this:

Me: hello?

CG'pa: I called because I needed to talk to someone smart. (there's always sucking up involved in these types of requests)

Me: uh-huh. At this point just about everything I say is short and slightly sarcastic. WAY... disrespectful, but this has been going on my whole life and I just don't have the patience for it anymore.

CG'pa: I need to put something on my computer.

Me: What do you mean "you need to put something on your computer"?

CG'pa: I've got a document that needs to be put on my computer.

Me: Where is the document now?

CG'pa: In my hand. It's a letter.

At this point I became totally dismayed. This was going to require a scanner. I wasn't even sure if the man would know what a scanner was. I told him he would need a scanner, and surprisingly he owns one. Go figure.

The problem is, the man has no idea how to use a scanner...or a computer. The next five minutes were spent trying to talk him through how to scan his letter. Scanning it wasn't the issue though. It was how to save the scan into the "program" that he wanted it saved into. I'm pretty sure by "program" he meant "folder".

Me: Now you need to go to File, Save, and then just choose where you want to save it.

CG'pa: Wait, slow down. Where do I find File?

Me: It's at the top. On the left.

CG'pa: Long pause... Okay, so I don't see the program I want to save the letter into. It's called Test.

Now I knew we were in trouble. There was no way I was driving over there (even though it's only 2 miles away) to figure this out for him. An 81 year-old man shouldn't have a computer if he doesn't know how to use it. Like I knew what Test meant. Was it a folder? Was it a file? I couldn't ask these questions because he wouldn't know what a folder or a file was. All he knows are "programs" and "documents".

Me: What options do you see when you click Save?

CG'pa: All kinds of things. Then he rattles off a list that doesn't sound anything like what he should be seeing.

Me: Do you see Desktop as an option? I'm thinking maybe he can save there and then drag it to Test (whatever that is).

CG'pa: Desktop?

Me: How about your C-drive. Do you see that?

CG'pa: Uhhhhhh... Yeah. CD. I see it.

Me: NOOOO... Not CD. C-drive. Nevermind. Can you see My Documents.

CG'pa: Long pause. Yeah. Oh, I found it. There's test. This actually occured after a discussion about what My Documents was.

Me: Okay good. Put it in there.

CG'pa: It worked. Thanks.

Me: Okay... preparing to hang up.

CG'pa: Wait. I want to make sure I did this right.

And then we started all over again. "I can't find Test." "Where's that My Documents thing?" And so on and so on. I felt like that children's song: "There's a Hole in the Bucket". He couldn't seem to do it again, and I finally told him I couldn't really do much more over the phone because I had no clue what was on his computer. I think I also threw in something about PC vs. Mac.

Do you want to know the really remarkable thing about this whole conversation? My CG'pa actually wrote a computer manual once. Yep. I'm pretty sure he plagiarized the whole thing because he never has had a clue how to use a computer. He writes books. About anything and everything. And pays to have them printed. It's a little embarassing.

Do you have family members like this?


Phoebe @ Cents to Get Debt Free said...

Oh my word, I'm cracking up! That is seriously priceless.

Clever Elsie said...

Yes, yes, I do. My mom is barely functional on the computer, unfortunately. Even though she's an intelligent woman and has been using it for years now (with a guide book that I bought her), every time she has to take even a one-step departure from the step-by-step instructions she keeps for every single procedure, she calls me to walk her through it. Then, as I tell her what to do, she insists on making me wait while she writes it all down--even "double left click on File" and "click OK." Le sigh.