Single Saturday #12 - A Depressing New Development

I opened my email the other day and there was a letter in there from my aunt about a Christmas get-together at her house this weekend. Due to the fact that my generation has all gotten married and has other families to include in their Christmas celebrations (which kept them from coming to ours), we started getting together the week before Christmas so everyone could be there.

Instant depression set in as I looked at the email. It was a list of what food everyone was supposed to bring to the party.  As I scrolled down the list, everyone was listed as a couple...but me. All my aunts and uncles...and all my cousins. Every one of them. My name was the only one that sat by itself. (I do have a 16-year-old cousin that isn't married, but she wasn't on the list.)

To be fair, I've known this for awhile. I think my aunt was the last to get married a few years ago, but seeing it in 22 point font...well, that was just a little depressing.  Now, that doesn't mean I want to go out there and get married just so my name isn't by itself on a list, but still...depressing.

Have any of you had a moment of realization like that?

Single Saturday #11 - What Do Women Want In A Man?

What are all those single women out there looking for in a man? Thankfully, what attracts each person is usually a little different from what attracts the next person. If that wasn't true, man would have become extinct sometime shortly after Adam and Eve.

Personally, I like tall men (I am 6 foot myself) with dark hair, thin, but athletic build (think basketball/baseball players, not football or wresting) and definitely good looking. He has to be kind, funny, intelligent, caring and a slew of other great traits.

I don't usually pay any attention to the requests I get to promote books, products and websites targeted at singles, but I actually thought this one was interesting. Even though we all look for different things in our ideal person, there are some things that tend to be universal. Go check out this article on 10 Things Women Most Want From Their Men at Best Dating Sites.  Let me know if you agree with their list of 10 things...

Single Saturday #10 - "Boyfriend" Clothes

At this point, I've lost 90 pounds. Although I've gotten rid of most of my old clothes, however, there are still a few things I've kept around. One of my favorite articles of clothing is my old 3X hoodie. It's now huge on me and I've been wearing it a lot lately.  As I was wearing it around the house the other day, I got to thinking about how girls often wear their boyfriend's shirts, hoodies, etc.

At 6 foot tall, there really hasn't been much chance for me to wear an oversized shirt or hoodie that belonged to a boyfriend. I remember having an old sweatshirt of a former boyfriend's, but even that fit just right (he was skinny and only 2 inches taller than me). Wearing my hoodie from my "fat days" is as close as I will ever get to lounging around the house in my boyfriend's clothes that are big and baggy on me. Even if I were to have a boyfriend, his clothes would not be too big for me...

So here's to all you small and average sized girls who can date and marry guys that wear larger sized clothes than you; I envy you. I will just have to settle for wearing my "fat clothes".

Single Saturday #9 - Enjoying Life

I think one of the hardest things for single people to do is just enjoy life. There is so much pressure for singles to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. The pressure begins to overtake everything else in life. I think it is time for singles to just embrace life and enjoy it!

I am a big proponent on letting things happen naturally. I just don't think the best thing in life come from forcing them to happen. That includes finding a perfect mate. I totally believe that if God has it in His plans for a person to be married, then He will make sure than you meet Mr or Mrs Right. I often wonder how many divorces could be avoided if people would have patience and rely on God to help them find their soul mate. I don't think it is good to force love.

If you don't believe that God is out there or that He cares about your life, then this is probably a hard sell for you.  Regardless, I still think that singles should try to enjoy life and let love come naturally. Forcing it will never work.

So you have my permission to stop trying so hard to find your soul mate and just Enjoy Life for once!

Single Saturday #8 - The Set Up

If you are single, you have had someone try to set you up with a date. For me, this is one of the worst parts of being single.  I always feel like less of a person when someone tries to set me up. Maybe that's just me, maybe other people don't feel that way.

I have been set up with a couple of doozies in my day, and so I do not allow people to set me up anymore.

Yesterday, one of my classes started in on setting me up with someone. I had one girl say that her brother was single (and to be fair, she's beautiful, so he would probably be cute...and he's a coach), one told me her one-armed uncle was single (pretty sure that was a joke...not the arm, but the set up). Regardless if they were serious or not, I always feel like someone is trying to "fix" me, that they believe there is something wrong with being single.

Have you ever been set up with someone? Blind date? How did it go?

Single Saturday #7 - The Five Levels of Singleness

What does it mean to be "single"? It seems to me that the definition for being single changes depending on who you are talking to or asking. Some consider themselves single if they aren't dating anyone, while others consider themselves single as long as they aren't married.

I have this theory that there are 5 different levels of "singleness".

Level One - The Lifers: When these people say they are single, they mean it. Not only are they not dating anyone, they aren't even on the hunt. Whatever the reason, they have made the decision to stay single for life.

Level Two - The Super Singles: These singles are currently not a part of the dating scene. There's lots of reasons for this, and I'm sure if you asked, you would be given a detailed list of reasons why they haven't been on a date in the last year (or 3). Not single by choice, but definitely single.

Level Three - The Single Dater: Dating is a way of life for these guys and gals. Never satisfied with the current "flavor," these serial daters are always on the hunt for greener grass.

Level Four - The Serial Monogamist: Love follows these singles wherever they go, but for some reason they never seem to get married. As soon as one relationship ends, they are onto the next. However, if asked...they're single.

Level Five - The Barely-Single: These people are on their way out the door of the single party. They are either engaged, or soon to be engaged. For some reason, there are a few of these people who still consider themselves to be "single" even though they are in a committed relationship. Maybe it is because they still have to check the box marked single, or maybe it is because they haven't "put a ring on it" just yet.

Do you know of any other levels? Which level are you?

Single Saturday #6 - Online Dating?

If you believe the commercials for online dating sites, a good portion of marriages taking place today are couples who met online. I'm not sure how they check this little fact (unless they've added that question to the process of applying for a marriage certificate).  True or not, online dating is here to stay.

I just wonder how many of you have tried out online dating. It's just not for me. Even if I wasn't creeped  out by the idea of meeting a guy online, I'm not willing to move from my home town, and I'm pretty sure no guy would want to move here. I guess if you aren't bothered by meeting people online, and you live in the city, online dating might be a viable option.

I'd love to know if you have tried it, how it worked out for you or if you know anyone who met their soul-mate online!

Single Saturday #5 - Maybe I'm Worth It

As I continue to reshape my body by losing weight I have started to see dating as a possibility again. I have become used to being single, and I have even managed to convince myself that I'm happy being single. To some degree it is true that I'm happy being single.  There are so many things that I can do as a single woman that would be much harder if I had someone living with me. Sole control of the remote, popcorn for supper (more likely pita bread and hummus), I can leave a mess in the living room for a few days and no one will see it, etc.

The more weight I lose, however, the more I come to realize that I haven't felt like I deserve to date someone while overweight. Even more than that, I can't imagine anyone that I would find attractive, would want to date someone who is overweight. I'm not attracted to overweight guys, why would any man be attracted to an overweight woman?  This has really gotten me thinking about why I am single; was it a choice?

I've never been the type of person who likes to put themselves out there.  In school, I never wanted my friends to know which guy I was crushing on at the time.  I always felt that if they knew, something would go wrong. Maybe they would tell him I liked him; if he didn't like me, that would be disastrous.  I was also afraid that they would constantly be watching me to see how I would react when around my crush.  It just wasn't worth it my mind.  Needless to say, I never told guys I liked them.  Since then I've always said that I'm happy the way I am, but if God wants to send me a guy, I'm good with that too.

There was also that constant belief that no guy would think I was pretty enough or interesting enough to date.  I don't think I've ever really thought that.  I wrote a post once where I had a picture of me in high school, and I still can't believe that I thought guys wouldn't find me attractive.  Besides believing I was overweight, I also had a lot of insecurities about being taller than most of the guys.  Today that wouldn't be an issue; girls are allowed to be tall, but in the mid 90s, I was a freak, and I sure didn't think guys would want to date me.

I struggle with the same issues today, but now I really am overweight...plus I'm getting to the point where most guys my age are already married.  There's no way I will ever find a guy who wants me, so instead I "choose" to remain single.  I don't even try, because I said before: no guy I would want, would want me as I am...

Maybe I will eventually feel worth it.  Maybe I never will.  Odds are I will never put myself out there either way.

Single Saturday #4 - Enjoying Being Single

I was thinking about the difference between people who enjoy being single and those that whine about not having someone in their lives. Now I know some people enjoy being single because they go on dates all the time, and they enjoy the excitement of meeting new people.

When I say that I'm single, I mean it. I don't even go on dates. I'm not necessarily opposed to it, but I don't go out and look for guys to date. I live in the sticks where there isn't much to choose from if I did want to find a date...especially at my age.  Part of the reason for that is that I don't like putting myself out there.  Even in high school I didn't really date. I dated one guy for a week my freshman year in high school and started seriously dating someone partway through my senior year of high school which lasted into my second year of college.  That relationship really messed me up, but that's a different story (even if it is a little related to why I'm single now).

I would love to know why you are single? Is it a conscious choice? Situational? Just Happened?

I found a fun Wiki on how to Enjoy Being Single that you can check out HERE.

Check out what Andi from On Call RN has to say  about Living a Single Existence. Part 1 and Part 2

Single Saturday #3 - Dreams

I hate it when I wake up from a good dream.  I had one of those the other day.  I was getting married.  Now the wedding in my dream was an entire fiasco, but I hate the sense of emptiness when I wake up from a dream where I am deeply in love with someone.  It messes with my entire day.

Have any other singles out there felt that sense of loss?

Single Saturday #2

I just got home from driving halfway across the United States...By Myself! Needless to say, I don't feel like writing a very long post for this, our second Single Saturday. By while I was thinking about how I didn't want to really write a post, I thought about why...

Vacationing while single. This can be either really rewarding, or a little depressing.  I believe it is all about how you think about it...where your mind is.  I can remember a trip to England with one of my best friends: by the end of the trip, we were getting on each other's nerves and ended up splitting up on our last day while touring Bath. It was easily one of my favorite days.  I enjoyed just walking around by myself.

I actually think I could go on a vacation by myself and be perfectly happy about it. I could go where I wanted to go without having to check with another person to see if they want to go there too. It would be wonderful to just sit at a cafe and watch the locals and become part of the place you are visiting.  I don't think I'd want to go solo on all my vacations, but I would be fine doing it every once in awhile.

But this all brings me back to my original thought...I drove halfway across the country By Myself! Almost 1000 miles from Missouri to North Carolina (and back). I drove it in record time, but man that is a lot of driving for one person. I would have loved to have someone to trade off the driving-duty once in awhile; especially when my back would start hurting!

Have you ever been on vacation by yourself? What is your story?

Single Saturday #1

At 34-years-old, being single is a little bit different than it would be if I was 10 years younger.  For some, 34 would be more depressing; they would probably be more desperate for a date/mate and would probably be tired of the looks of pity from their married friends. For me, I am content. If God chooses to drop the perfect guy for me right on my doorstep, I'm willing to give it a shot, but I don't go looking for dates or worry about being an old maid. However, even though I might be perfectly happy being single, there are always a few things that being a part of a couple would make easier...

I am currently staying at my best friend's house in NC. I am so glad to be here, but being single does make a few things more difficult. First of all, it was a long trip...even though I managed to make it halfway across the country in record time. I kept myself busy by listening to two audio books. I started out with Nicholas Sparks' The Guardian, and finished up the trip with Kathy Griffin's book, Official Book Club Selection (quite the variety, I know). I am, however, under no disillusionment that the drive would have been more fun if I had someone to ride with me (assuming I got along with that person...we're not talking about just anyone here).

Another minor consideration is that my bestie is still pretty much a newlywed. Since I haven't seen her in a long time, I forget how her and her husband act around each other. There's nothing wrong with it, and it is cute, but it does make me feel like a third wheel sometimes (only when they are being all lovey-dovey though). I am sure the situation would feel more normal if it was two couples hanging out together instead of a couple and a single person.  Even a group dynamic would be quite different.

This has been one of the main issues I have with being single at my age. Almost all of my good friends are married. Most have kids. It may be wrong, but for the most part I just assume they don't want to hang out with me anymore. While that might not be true, I still find that relationships aren't quite the same after someone gets married. 

While I don't like being the third-wheel, I don't think it is a good reason to feel forced into finding "Mr. Right".

So I'm just wondering how other singles feel in similar situations. How do you deal with it? Have you lost friends when they marry?

Don't forget to be a part of Single Saturday. Join in by writing your own blog post and linking back to Single Saturday. For more info you can check the link at the top of the page or read this post.

About Single Saturday

I am excited about starting this weekly blog (meme). My hope is that other bloggers will join in and write their own Single Saturday post and link back to Single Saturday here at Single in Small Town America. Then make a comment giving a link back to your post (not your just your web sit).

You can link back in two ways. You can add a link back to Single Saturday in your post and/or you can add the Single Saturday button on your blog; just copy the button and add a link back to Single in Small Town America.

I hope you join me for Single Saturday!

Doing Chores

I decided to go out with mom while she feeds the calves. Mom and Dad just bought a 'new to them' Polaris Ranger for mom to use to feed cattle. Before we've used a Mule. The Ranger is about two feed wider and a lot more roomy for the trips with the kids. They like to go on trips around the farm or go with 'Gran' when she does chores.

I also helped hook up Mom's new HDTV and surround sound today. I'm super jealous. She got a really good deal at Best Buy on the TV. It's priced low because it's a BB exclusive. Anyway... I really want the same set up but I'm going to wait until my current TV dies.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Single Saturday

Many people think that being single is a negative, but I think that there are more positives than there are negatives.

One of my favorite things about being single is that my time is my own. I love that I can do what I want, when I want. Take this week for instance...

I was sick Saturday through Tuesday. Actually, I was sick longer than that, but those four days were stay-at-home-and-don't-bug-me days. And because I am single...that's exactly what I did.

I realized how lucky I was when my brother and Sister-in-Law were talking about how my SiL was sick for a few days this week. With 3 kids, this was not easy for her. She couldn't just check out for a few days and ignore everyone. Even with my brother helping out, my Mom and G'ma still had to go help out at the house. And even if my SiL didn't have to do much around the house, there's no way that she got to just sit around in the quiet of an empty house.

What did I do during my recouping time? I sat around in the quiet of an empty house. I literally lived in my recliner. I have one of those over-sized ones that can actually fit two people. It was perfect. I even had to sleep in it so that I could breath at night. I watched TV and slept. I got on the interweb and slept. I watched movies and slept. I read and slept.

So, being single isn't always that bad...especiallly when you need a little alone time.

Single Saturday...Sort Of

I forgot about Single Saturday...again. Maybe I'll have to change it to Single Sunday. Still has alliteration.

Anyway. I spent the day in my recliner...sick. Yeah, no one to take care of me. I didn't see a single person all day long even though most of my family lives within 2 miles of me (and it was sort of my birthday). I sure wish I had someone to baby me: take out the trash, shovel snow, get the mail. All those things that I did not feel like doing at all yesterday!

I wish I felt like writing more, but as I write, my throat is killing me and my head is starting to hurt. I just can't really think. I'm hoping to do a better job with this weekly post in the future...if I can remember to do it.

Do you have someone to take care of you (or at least do some chores around the house) when you're sick?

Single Saturday...Sort Of

I totally forgot about Single Saturday. It's new and I've been wrapped up in the whole Raccoon Invasion.

I'm thinking that being single has contributed to the raccoon issue. First of all, part of the problem probably has to do with the fact that my back porch has trash on it. This isn't food trash, but still... I no longer have a truck (had to get a vehicle with good gas mileage) and so I have to go the extra mile to get a truck to take non-burnable trash to the dump (yes we burn trash and yes we have our own dump... it's the country remember?). I'm sure the trash has helped bring the raccoons up to the house. I had a trash bag with cans (non-burnable) in it and I usually rinse them out, but now always; I'm sure that didn't help. I'm sure that if I wasn't single, I could have convinced my significant other to haul off the trash by now.

Also, I am sure I could have convinced my significant other to shoot the raccoon by now. I just can't look an animal in the eye and pull the trigger. Turkeys maybe (they're ugly), but nothing with hair or fur.

All in all, unless I was dating/married to a weenie, I think this whole raccoon fiasco would have been over by now. As it is, I just had to shoo the thing out of the house again not 30 minutes ago!

National Single Awareness Day

Isn't today the perfect day to start my new weekly post: Single Saturday?

Yes...It's national Single Awareness Day... Otherwise known as Valentine's Day.

Luckily, this year V-Day is on a Saturday. This is a great day for both those that celebrate V-Day and those that celebrate SAD. For all you lovers out there, Saturday means a full day to bask in the joy of your loved ones; you can go out and not worry about having to get up for work in the morning. For all of us celebrating SAD, we don't have to go to work today and see everyone around us getting deliveries from their significant others. No bouquets of roses, none of those annoying Vermont Teddy Bears, no boxes of ch0colate. This is awesome for all SAD celebrators.

Now, we did have to see some of that on Friday, but not to the same degree that we would have if V-Day had been on a work week.

I work at a high school and there are, of course, a lot of deliveries to the kids. They call the kids out of class about 10 at a time to go to the gym and get their deliveries. It's a little ridiculous because that means that we get nothing done 7th hour because there is an announcement every 2 minutes where the secretary lists the kids that are now supposed to go to the gym. Everyone knows who got a delivery and who didn't . Can they contrive a more demeaning way of getting the deliveries to the kids? I guess we could have an assembly and have the "winners" come up front for their prizes.

In previous years I have sometimes spend SAD with other SAD celebrators. Unfortunately (for me) my BFF got married last year and so I had no one to celebrate SAD with. I spent the day at my Dad and Mom's with the rest of the family: Brother, SiL, Niece, Nephew L and Nephew J. Also, we had my dad's cousin's two kids there. Five kids five and under. CRAZY! I had to come home and take a nap! After my nap, it was time to get on the interweb and see what had been going on while I slept. I loaded new pictures to my photoblog (see those here). Then I decided to watch Run Fatboy Run (love Simon Pegg movies). A chicken burrito later, and now here I am writing this post. A fulfilling SAD.

I decided to Google SAD and found out that there is a website devoted to SAD. You can visit them here. I didn't know anyone else called V-day, Single Awareness Day, but I guess I'm not that original. Oddly enough, this website says they now celebrate SAD on Feb 15th. I'm still going to celebrate it on V-Day.

If you are single...How did you celebrate SAD?